When I was ten or eleven, I used to want a Dachshund or a Beagle as the family pet. My dad was having none of it and decided to get a Bernese Mountain Dog instead. I can vividly remember seeing this very sweet puppy in our dining room and getting very stroppy and going straight up to my room. Not my finest hour. After a short while though, I was very happy with the little guy one of us called Wooster. I draw on my time with him here.
From my experience big dogs such as Labradors, Golden Retrievers and German Shepherds are just a lot more laid back then small dogs such as Jack Russels, Yorkshire Terriers and Cockapoos. I reckon this is because big dogs are aware their size means they can’t be easily threatened. Small dogs, on the other hand, will yap and yap at the slightest agitation to normality, whether that be someone knocking at the door or another dog just walking past. From a large size comes a certain majesty to their posture and disposition too: No being looks more at ease with life than a Golden Retriever with its big smile. This survey of 1,276 dog owners from the American Kennel Club backs up the stereotype that small dogs bark more and are generally more anxious. Remember, stereotypes are usually right.
At this point, a Czech reader of mine will think I’m insecure in my masculinity, but still: Some dogs just make a man look substantially more like a poofter. I mean what do you think of a man of almost any stature walking, I bloody well hope, his wife’s chihuahua. It looks pathetic. The same goes for French Pugs and any other hand bag dogs. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with looking like a poofter per se. No, no. But I think a smaller dog makes you less of a man compared to a big dog as well. Why? Three reasons.
First, a big dog requires more physical discipline which means a weaker man will have to step up to the plate to face it. Second, we’re supposed to be the average of the three people we spend time with the most, meaning, given small dogs attract a greater number of unmasculine men around them, at the margin, all else equal, you’ll become less manly by getting one. Third, following on the second point, if your dog has a nervous disposition all the time, as smaller dogs do; then that trait is likely to move into you too. Overall: You want the superior nature of big dogs to be a good influence on you. Nuance: Maybe ratting dogs aren’t too bad on these fronts.
For all of these reasons, I’m very pleased my brother recently got Monty, another Bernese Mountain Dog. I’ve had great fun with him over the last couple of months, and, while he’s quite excitable now; which I like because I run about with him and play fight too, I look forward to his mellow stage of middle age to death that my old dog Wooster really fitted into well. I would like a dog in the future for their true loyalty and warmth; unlike humans, they’re hardly ever fickle. Honestly, dogs really are a man’s best friend.
What are your thoughts on dogs?